Porn is love you can see.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
