I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
