garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
