i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
