I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
