Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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