...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's paper in my vomit.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
