dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
