Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
