you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
PANTIES FOUND
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
