is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
