Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
