so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
