How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
