You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize