Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
