my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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