he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You've changed since you got that strap on
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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