i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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