also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
