Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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