Tell her she can't have a vagina
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize