i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize