we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
