I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your face is a jimmy john
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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