Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
