The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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