I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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