I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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