You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
