Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
