I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
