I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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