i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
