My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
