his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
