So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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