can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
