I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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