I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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