I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
