There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
