with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
