Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
tell your sister to shave her snatch
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
