it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
