Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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