we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
