haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize