So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
be right there i have to get my cape
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize