Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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