I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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