my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
