Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
