But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
