OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
