you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize