He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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