Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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