My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
