I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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