I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
